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angelak: (AngelaNov09)

Focus for 2012
(I don't exactly do resolutions, per se, but I do have focuses.)

Serve my communities – focal point = Service

Yoga/OTO/Pagan communities, serve them (How? Be present. Give whenever possible in time/service.)

Leave Self doubt behind

Serve in the Mass team beyond the child role:
(First Deacon, then Priestess - eventually, in the future...)

Replace carpets downstairs in 874

Create a tidy home that is nearly always acceptable for impromptu guests

Become a strong and valued Bikram Yoga Teacher

Develop my Yoga Teaching

Digest and Teach verbatim Bikram Dialogue

Improve physical and emotional bodies

Reach the low 140lbs range solid

Lean out body the rest of the way

Shrink the hips/upper thighs

Return to Teacher Training as a mentor (not a DE-mentor).

Travel to see teacher training friends and take their classes!

Maintain a strong Yoga practice

Maintain a moderate running and circuit training schedule

Continually build strong relationships with my sweeties

Stay close with Jim

More personal focus from self to community service

Rite of Sol Involvement

Search for a late 90's Mitsubishi Eclipse for personal material items list
angelak: (Hold My Hand)
Feeling a little weird today. Restless this whole week. Things definitely feel out of sorts. I don’t feel like cleaning my house anymore. That’s unusual for me, I know maybe it’s usual for some people – but not for me. I don’t feel like getting to my requests at work – but I’ve been doing it anyway. I’ve got to clean up stuff before I leave. I’m now sitting at 3 days, and I don’t know if my brain can handle this.
This morning was weird in and of itself. Went to take the dogs out on leash, half paranoid of the crap that would soon be shooting out of Fritz because the 2 dogs both have the runs for gods’knows’what reason… I’m very unhappy about this. I didn’t get around to getting a yam and feeding it to them yesterday… this better go away or Jim is going to have a rough time, especially considering we have a house guest. “Welcome to our house – oh yeah, the fact that the dog couldn’t make it down from floor #3 with his runs, we’re sorry for the shit smell.”


I’m sure I was bound to get restless and start to feel a little crazy prior to this. I know I’ll be fine, that I’m “ready,” (who the fuck knows what ready is, you know?) How can anyone ever be ready for the unknown ;) The virgo side wants to take over and figure out reality before it even manifests itself. Maybe taking the time off from yoga was a bad idea… it usually mitigates my crazy. A good run maybe tonight and I can relax. I think it’s the only way I know how to relax: working out. Some folks need video games to zone out. Some people need recreational substance… some need a good book… (that works for me too, but that is besides the point). Me, I just need to move. Or, paradoxically, in yoga… not move. Or something.

Anyways, I was taking my dogs out and from around that same damn corner of the building near the alley (there’s always a blind spot around the end of the building) strolls a dog on a leash, but pulling his leash behind him. My dogs are doing their thing, I’m holding 2 leashes and juggling it as per usual morning business in our courtyard. Amber starts barking, but the other dog really only sees Fritz for some reason. Dog decides to start lunging towards Fritz with his hackles raised. I’m feeling ready to beat the shit out of the next dog that tries to bite mine. Because that cost us $600 last time, and is generally evil when regarding a dog in pain. Which was only 2 months ago. The owner is obviously from our building apologizes. As per usual – I’m a fucking space cadet and say “yeah no worries man.”

I guess we could say I’m still a little shell shocked from last time. Particularly that he just healed from that. High density housing is beginning to grate on me this morning. I hate your fucking huge SUV cars. Fuck your baby on board stickers. Screw your big burly dogs that like to use mine as beef jerky.
I can say we do have 2 very nice next door neighbors who never give us trouble. Mike and Christina are super Christian and have one very well behaved son. I really like their little family. Mike is as nice as I could wish for in a neighbor, and he resembles me in one quality: He’s VERY observant and nosy. I’m frankly wondering if they’ll think me and Jim split after I’m gone a few weeks ;)

The other neighbors are Hispanic and hardly ever talk to us but usually are full of smiles. They have 2 little girls and never give us any problems either.

I’m digressing.
Just not sure where my head is. Was kinda spacy feeling even last night at bowling. I think I got tired faster than usual. My reserve of bouncy energy was elsewhere. No big deal – I guess adrenaline runs high in the first week at TT.
Mildly tired of my co workers at the Quah assuming I can teach yoga here for a wellness event…
No, guys. No. Come to a Bikram studio, or no. I have chosen the Bikram path, and that path came with a 12 page contract about how I will use my certification. Therefore, no. Really, the Bikram path chose me. I understand there are other forms, and I’m not quite as cultlike as some regarding bashing other forms – I think all yoga has its value. But my path is this one. For whatever reason.
I guess I’d rather be off of work and not here dealing with… well, the same thing I’ve dealt with for 10 years. Reminding myself right now: I.Am.on.The.Threshold of renewed energy for life because I am literally walking out the door on Friday afternoon and not coming back for over two months. Impressive.

In other news, I need to lay off the Nutella. That’s probably not going to help my early training visual in the mirror if I should get lucky enough to be up front. Then again, I’m at a point: who the fuck cares anymore? I need a run bad. But right now I am just lounging back all dumb like in my office chair. I don’t feel like a yogini – I feel like a sloth like fool.
Barry comes in tonight. Well, at 3 PM…
I bet he will make me feel better. He’s just like Jim in the way that he is full of smiles and laughter and usually it’s a stress alleviator.

Anyways. Trying to remind myself it’s all about the entire journey. There’s no reason to get stressed about the experience itself, but I just feel like I’m in the tail end of gray area. That holding pattern that sort of circled me around for like 4 years… well, I’m getting instructions from ground control and they’re telling me when to land, and which run way to take. I’m in one part shock that I’m landing somewhere finally.

But it’s going to be straight to a roller coaster ride, or so I hear. *shrugs* Mantra for my future today: Don’t make it a big deal. Any of it. Sometimes I feel like a ridiculous child always making a huge deal over everything. Over thinking everything. Over everythinging. Also freaks me out that I’m young and have a myriad of blind spots… what stupid shit comes out of my mouth that I am too naive to know is telling in my life inexperience?

This is what goes through my head. But maybe I should try to STFU and let go and just let the next couple of days pass. I mean, after all. 3 days. I just want to be in LA already. I’m there. I’m at the point where I’m starting to get sick of waiting. I don’t care how little of dialogue I know. I’m tired of being distracted. Tired of not knowing what it’s going to be like being tired. Yes, read that one twice.

Staying power for patience is here. Actually I’m kinda lounging back and pretending that this is all bothering me. I love my freezing office here.

In other great news, I was able to craft my 5 gallon water filter with my Dad last night. It’s awesome. While I didn’t want to have to ship anything else, this is a must item. Rather than buy a small Brita filter pitcher… one of my fellow students created a bucket system where you use 3 filters in the bottom of a bucket and it filters three times as fast, more water. His was only a 2 gallon. Mine is actually bigger… but I will only need to fill my filter once every few days, so this might really be rad. Today I’ll FedEx it to the hotel and it will be waiting for me, just in time for Monday night. My roommate will either think I’m amazing, or crazy, as I’m using the bath-tub to fill up my 5 gallon bucket of filtered water.

One last thing… I’ll miss music while I’m away. I don’t think I will spend a lot of time with tunes. In my every day life, I listen to a lot of music……. Right now my new discovery: Ellie Goulding, “Lights.”

Unless of course I listen to it on Sunday runs, if I should decide to do that. Of course, Darci from Issaquah was mentioning maybe we’d do that together on Sundays. I’ve never had a real running partner… will I ditch my ipod and socialize for that? How does that work? :P
If I decide to still go for a run at all on Sundays. It might just be over my level of crazy. We’ll see. I’ll keep you all posted.

Oh, and to the fleas that my dogs picked up in the last 2 weeks. Fuck you. Fuck you for biting the hell out of me. I’ve treated them with FrontLine. Shouldn’t this end? I hate bites.
I think I just read some stuff on the TT FB page. This grey area may be entirely normal.
I’m already beginning to freeze at my desk. This is making me despise this place today.
But in other news: Life’s good. I’m stoked. I cannot wait for … well, all of it.

There's one thing about my blogging style. It expresses just how much I hate secrets and pretenses. You want real? I got it. I hope my fellow yogis and yoginis can handle my style of real.

Annnnd. My boss is nudging me for the personal folders copying. I'm sorry - I really just don't give a shit. I've been copying files for 3 months now. If I don't get to them all - guess what? I'm leaving anyway. Did I say that? O. I said that.

angelak: (AngelaNov09)
As January draws to a close, I can say I've had some progress in life. The first two weeks were memorable: mercury in retrograde - mars in retrograde. The New Year was particularly uneventful this year. First time since I've been an adult that I really had no plans.

I set up some goals and began working on them immediately. It had little to do with the New Year - but it coincided. Mercury went direct and things started to spin up quick. I took my self defense class and now have a set of skills I feel pretty comfortable with.

Last week sort of dragged out! lol. Still working hard. Notably, late last week I tested my knees by going for a walk straight out my doorstep; which is to say, a lot of slope. This was successful for me. That's notable. I've been really bad about chiropractic this month. Ever since the week of the 25th - in December, I've not stepped foot in my chiro's office. Although my back is feeling great, I'd like to get back in there. Tomorrow.

Last weekend I went to the Yoga party, which was fun.
I went out with Grandma and Mom, and then relaxed a lot with Jim on Sunday/Monday. I did a double yoga class on Monday which was good. I skipped Yoga Tuesday and went for a walk. Today I went for a 4.5 mile run on gravel. This was a test. I've stuck to pavement, gravel is a totally different thing for the knees. In case you were wondering. My knees feel a little differently sensitive - but the real test will be how it feels tomorrow after I rest for the evening. I also plan to hit the 1830 yoga class and then come home.

Jim has met a girl spontaneously. Met her at Denny's where his work crew hangs. He went to meet one of the guys, and another guy was there with his gf and gf's best friend (the girl Jim met, the best friend).

There might be a chance for a nice casual relationship in this. Here's to hoping! They are both interested and hit it off well - but neither of them have tons of time or inclination to be "serious," if you will.

We'll see where it goes :)
Looking forward to it.

In other news... just closing out some requests here at work trying to finally catch up.
Good news? I'm back in my size 7 pre-med leave jeans again at last. This is a relief. Now only 1 more size to be at my final goal. Weight wise I'm unsure atm, but I am happy to have more pairs of suitable comfy, fit-great jeans to wear. I can travel the rest of my shape shifting journey a little less poopy faced. My hips are returning to something I recognize again.

I am also enjoying more freedom with my knees. Still proceeding with caution - but this is just preventative to ensure I can still continue to heal more and more every month.

angelak: (AngelaNov09)
As 2009 closes, I've got to say it's been a ride.

I began 2009 on a very happy note, I remember distinctly. I had discovered Yoga and I'd also found my pain levels lowering. It wasn't the complete end, but it was definitely the following steps of my journey to recovery of the knees. To this end, I've learned a great deal in the last 2 years about things I am pretty sure will help me out as I age, and as I continue my journey through this life. Really. When Brenna told me in no uncertain terms this year after a yoga class one day, “pain in one of the greatest teachers,” I only began to understand it more as time passed. I will sorely miss Brenna, she's moved to Moses Lake. :(

Sitting at the end of the year with the low (nearly non existent) levels of pain is pretty much more than I can describe. The 10 pounds that I've yet to drop since the beginning of my ACTUAL healing bothers me a whole lot less than constant pain :)

I'll be targeting a serious launch of some great new things in January. It isn't because of your standard New Years resolution... it's just a matter of timing! I like to make resolutions all year long, and I have a propensity to launch them with pretty great fervor.

Let's explore a few things and get them out of my head:

+ I'll be beginning a 28 day vegetarian meal plan – beginning at my current fitness level and maintaining roughly 1400 calories a day. These will be more specific nutrient rich foods and I am letting the raw food experiments sit in the future, for AFTER I reach my goal weight.

+ I'd like to maintain 4-6 days a week of Bikram Yoga practice when I can. I understand that with my other fitness goals, this might be hard. I'll be starting off with a 2-3 day a week schedule of runs and circuit training. I have to start slow and build up. I'd rather not drop the yoga practice, and build with the other stuff on the side.

So, 3 runs, or 2 runs and 1 CT, or 2 ct and 1 run = alongside of the 4-6 days of yoga. We'll see.
It's going to be a trial situation before I can see how it balances out.

+ I will also be launching a self defense education for myself, as I begin to scale my focus for 2010. January 9th and 10th I am enrolled in Insight Training Centers Unarmed Self Defense Level I .

+ In February, I'll be taking another self defense course offered by another company.

I hope to begin compiling some great skills for my own use, and one day I intend to share the skills I pick up with anyone interested in learning from me. It's the beginning of a skill set I'd like to beef up :)

Fitness and Defense!

Lastly, I'll be launching sometime early in 2010 another 30 day early riser trial. I have slipped out of the habit and am very saddened by this!!! I really got benefits out of gaining time every day before my work schedule, and also maintaining it on weekends.

These are my basics for the early quarter of 2010. I'll be checking in and re-creating my goals quarterly.
2009 marks a year of self discovery and a complete shift in my mentality and mindset.
Will be worried a lot less about the “Future,” and dropping as best I can, constant references to the “past.” My intention is to live in the moment, with the Power of Now.

I believe a greater flow will be achieved with this approach. Stay on deck! I intend also to update on livejournal to keep things fresh and articulate to myself and have some folks on board to watch my life transform itself! Woohoo!
Here goes, right!?

I'll be heading out on lunch here, to pound out a final run in 2009. I'm so blessed.

angelak: (Goddess)
And then there was this one time, I thought about how I have a fantastic boyfriend, a great home, wonderful dogs, and means to get the things I want.

I also realized I have ambitions that scare the shit out of me as well...
And goals to work towards.

These are all good things. Even the ambitions that whisper in the background of my life. It's okay to take your time and get used to ideas... change is not all about jumping in immediately. Sometimes the soul needs time to process things.

So here goes. My goal for 2008 is to be stronger than I have become in 2007.
Can't be too hard! Right?!

Here goes the journey!

angelak: (2 Dogs)
A little more. )

angelak: (Make a wish)
The Juicy Stuff. Delve in. )

angelak: (Make a wish)
There is WAY too much not to cut this. Reader BE ware, this is... my brain in action. Un-edited hahahahaha! Like... girls gone wild. Only --- not. These things literally flow through my head 24/7. )

And I digress. It is WAY easier for me to concentrate on writing here. I feel like my office space lends to ... like, part of my brain being exposed. It's really hard to write anything of worth. I want to get back to a point like I used to be, where I could really look back at my posts and know what the hell was up with me. So there it is.

angelak: (Attitude)
Happy Solstice.

I realize it was yesterday, but honestly. I was not at my keyboard.

Welcome winter and the return of light.
The sun begins waxing and so does our lives.
As always, I begin making goals and pathways for my future on Solstice night.

May your pathways to the future and your goals take you where you need to go in 2007 as the sun grows brighter and your potential explodes like a vibrant star itself.

"Every man and every woman is a star."

Motivational. )

Anyhow. Mom is online and I am chatting with her so my useless dribble comes to a temporary end.



Dec. 10th, 2006 03:05 pm
angelak: (Visualize)
I suck at pushups right now :/

I can do this. Really. I have to start or I will always suck at pushups.


Hell. I should just do them to my capability every time I have a free second. I can do this I can do this I can do this. Right now I am up to 4. hahaha oh man. And all the army men in this household have so kindly reminded me "Pushups are easy!" Well, thanks fellas.

Oh, but I did get Jim to show me how to do them properly. AND he was naked. Zomgs hilarious. It becomes very easy to see what muscles are being used in this sort of situation. TMI? Get over yourselves.

I smell like ass. I think it is time for a shower. I've been laying in bed sleeping and reading in hopes of not over-doing this semi-cold. It has only been a runny nose. I am dying to get out to run, but I also fear pushing my body too hard for the cold. Although, I did get out for a nice long walk. But then I didn't hear my phone ringing and Jim was worried because - it IS University Place at night. I felt bad, but what can I do if the one thing this phone lacks is a loud ringer? I tend to miss a lot of calls with the t509. Everything else is really neat about it. But the ringer? Lacks. And this is also what all the reviews said right before I bought it. Except I fell in love with how sleek and unbulky it is.



Dec. 8th, 2006 10:21 am
angelak: (Angela 12-06 #2)
Alas, I've drummed up some guidelines that I should be working towards.

I feel good about the one that scared me the most my whole life: Running.
I beat that mental road block and I feel confident that I can run. My entire life I said I couldn't run!
Now I'm sad I didn't look at PE as a kid more of an opportunity, rather than torture. I am afraid that I had a case of "family mimick." What do I mean? My siblings hated it. My greater relatives, aunts and grandparents talked down Physical training type things. So I was just parroting family a lot. Just like when I was a kid and everyone but Dad hated teriyaki. I said I hated it too, until I tried it not knowing what it was and really loved it. Same type situation.

So, alongside with swimming and running - I honestly need to add situps and pushups to my exercise regimin. This is going to be difficult. I'm not sure how to do pushups properly, after all.

Anyone out there good at the basics of these things? I need to start working my way up to some decent numbers on pushups and situps within the next year. I have about a year to build endurance with these things and as long as I keep to my goals, I think I'll be fantastic by the time I might *possibly* need to be tested for fitness levels.

I think chinchillagirl may be a good resource on the proper mechanics. I skipped out (went to LWTC and got my fitness creds waived) for most of my adolesence. I need help now. If there are any volunteers who are unjudgemental, do not intend to have a superiority complex, and would like to help me out - please let me know! It would mean the world to me.

Zomgs. I've decided. A second time. I'm going to go for. *It*.

Hah! And if I don't make it - I always have IT to fall back on, after all. The WORST that could happen is that my fitness levels increase, and I become a sexier, more athletic version of the current me! It's going to be hard though. To get there, but I am totally willing to put my efforts into this. I think it will do wonders for my life motivation.
I'm excited.
More of my spare time needs to go towards situps, pushups, and running. If I can tackle running... I can tackle the other two. And I have plenty of time to begin work with this. No rush.

Here goes, universe.


PS. Which icon do you like better, the one in the post before this, or this one? :P
angelak: (Virgo)
Goals for improvement. )

angelak: (Visualize)
I think I refer too much to my past sometimes.
Not trying to block anything out - however.
A new goal I intend to work on, is very much going to prove to be a challenge.
Although, we all know I am no stranger to facing challenges head on.

I Will commit to myself (as a sacrafice for Samhain) that I learn to do the following.

Focus on the future. The here and now, and the not yesterday.
I think this would benefit me much.
So mote it be!

angelak: (Thoughtful Angela)
Under the cut: Deeper thinking. Grammatically flawed. Long, drawn out. Flows like chaos. )


Some stuph

Nov. 1st, 2006 01:06 pm
angelak: (JimAngelaKissing)
Just a few things: )

OH - and:


angelak: (Chill pill)
Alright. So here it is. Wednesday. I should swim on lunch but I am reluctant.
I came home because my hunger was the hunger of nausea type. Happens every third time or so when I get hungry.

My exercise efforts are paying off. My jeans do not fit me in a way that is like, “OMGS GAH!” So this is the good news. I haven’t weighed in mostly because I really do not want to know yet. My friend Laney said that the scale is the wrong way to go about it. She suggested the measuring tape instead.
Hm, something to ponder for a later date.

So my exercise for the past couple weeks has looked like this:

Week One:
September 30th, 2006: 2 hrs hiking (uphill)
October 1st, 2006: Nothing
October 2nd, 2006: Nothing

October 3rd, 2006: 1 hr swimming
October 4th, 2006: 30 minutes swimming
October 5th, 2006: 1 hr swimming
October 6th, 2006: Nothing.
October 7th, 2006: 2 hrs walking (flat)
October 8th, 2006: Nothing.
October 9th, 2006: Nothing.
October 10th, 2006: Nothing.

Week Two:
October 11th, 2006: 30 minutes swimming
October 12th, 2006: 1 hr swimming
October 13th, 2006: 3 hrs dancing
October 14th, 2006: 30 minutes dancing
October 15th, 2006: 30 minutes jogging (uphillish)
October 16th, 2006: Nothing.
October 17th, 2006: 1 hr swimming
October 18th, 2006: Nothing.

I should have gone swimming on lunch – although honestly. Blah. I’ll definitely then go for an hour tomorrow night. It is kind of nice not rush-rush-rushing the last half of my lunch. I still have time if I really wanted to…

Anyhow. Onwards.
Other stuff. Trying to figure out what the hell to do with my life and keeping these decisions discreet. I realize the more people I ask their opinion about these things, the less concise and clear it becomes.

Frustrating, confusing, scary, blahblah. Almost too much for me, the whole “career change,” thought. The discussion of finding a new job came up – but I’d just as soon get a new job as I would actually go through with finding that room mate and finding a new home.

Such difficulties!!!(*@%)(*%)@
And of course it’s always stressful. Though for the moment I feel better on that topic.
I had a ton of nice things to write about Jim but I think I’ll save that for a different entry and go ahead and post this and enjoy a lazy lunch; opposed to a lunch of swimming laps. Heh.

angelak: (HairSide)
Wouldn't you like to know??? Muahaha. )

angelak: (Break my heart)
Today is clearly going to be better than yesterday.
And it’s always wise to remember that when people “push our buttons,” that is exactly what they’re doing. Merely and only. They are buttons and not necessarily real problems – and if we are sensitive about things, it doesn’t mean that’s how the things that we are being sensitive to are meant to be taken.

This being said, I feel good today and I refuse to let my work-confidence go anywhere aside from up.

Four things REALLY helped me last night, and in no particular order:

- Hiking
- Mel
- Jim
- Gilmore Girls

Really, 4 of my current favorite things right now :P
This morning the following is going to cause me to be better and less attitude:

- Coffee
- A good night’s rest from last night
- My Will
- Believing in myself
- The prospect of partying tonight (though I don’t even think I want to get too serious aside from dancing …) Yeay – Mel said Ryland would be our DD. That’s one less thing for me to worry about.
- I get to see my girls tonight!
- I possibly get to see my guy! (He’s not sure if his friends are heading to Seattle or not, and IF they are, we’ll meet up with his crew.)

And in just a few minutes, I am going to head across the street to the police department to find SC and get this show on the road with the external power source.
Gods help me – because I really need to resolve this before my boss strangles me to death and duct tapes my mouth shut.

NOTE to universe: DO NOT put Angela in the middle of EVERYTHING if you think silence will ensue. If there are people in my proximity. I talk. It reminds me of all the student-teacher conferences my parents EVER went to.

“Your daughter is excellent with her schoolwork, but she needs to work on not talking so much.” Every year.

Alright people. I get it. I visit a lot.

Just had to write that out. I saw a parallel as to how some of my employers in the past (Bakery) and Chris was reacting yesterday.

Although his demeanor was very unChrislike. This matter must be getting escalated through means that I have no knowledge of. This is my best guess. One minute he was praising me for detective work and the next he was not so praise-like.

Ego took a hit yesterday.
Today – damnit, I am the best I can be at this job. And if that isn’t enough – then it just isn’t enough. And that ain’t the end of the world either. As long as I have a job to pay my bills with.

My objective is to take this and make it into something useful. Key?
I've been telling myself I need to be better at job for a while.
Okay. Well. Why don't I make this a huge excuse to make it a catalyst? Deal. Consider it done.

So, although he made a personal button-hitting comment yesterday… I realize I possibly read FAR too much into it and that was purely due to my already-having-been-on-edge ness.

Don’t click here if you don’t want to know. Health stuff. )
One last edit though - Jim thinks I'm crazy and really athletic. Something about obsessive hiking?? I don't feel THAT obsessive. *shrugs* He has a high opinion of my physical habits. His terms? "Crazy!" It feels SO good though. My body thanks me - and my self confidence goes up when I am more active. Plain and simple. I feel prettier, I feel stronger, and I am generally happier.

And with that, I leave you to your regularly scheduled LJ reading.

angelak: (Blossom To Die)
My horoscope told me today:

"Making adjustments until you find exactly the right fit is a key step to finding lasting success. Achievement is a process, not a destination. Make sure you take advantage of all the opportunities coming your way."

I honestly should listen. I have this terrible habit of only wanting the be at the destination. I am not as process oriented as some folks I know. I had discussions about this with Khaya. I am completely results oriented. He's very process oriented. I envy those, a lot of times who are process oriented. Because I get so preoccupied with finishing, that things can suffer for it. In spite of the fact I have some really great producivity at times because I want results, and I want them NOW.



angelak: (Default)

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