Class

The Yogacoaster rolls on.
I had a much stronger class. I also agreed not to push 110% like I have been known to do. I wanted a class I could walk away from and feel content with, and not frustrated. I pushed when I best knew how, and kept some ease in other parts.

I was not afraid to take a breather, but didn't need many.
I worked hard to breathe through my nose entirely and not cheat.
I think this helps a great deal.
I also had more protein in the day/hrs before class.
I think all of these things contributed to a slightly better class (along with electrolytes.)

Yesterday was my Dad's 54th birthday.
We took him on a wine tour of Chateau St. Michelle's.
We bought him some wine for his birthday, then we went to Skipper's, he loves Skipper's. I was starved because I had eaten nothing much before or after class and in order to hit the tour, I had no time.

So we ate hungrily at the fish place (tasty) and then went back to Mom and Dad's place to have cake and pie.
Jill and Jeff came to have cake and pie, and we visited while he opened the rest of mom's little birthday gifts for him.
He had a great birthday and we all enjoyed the day.

I enjoyed visiting with Jill and Jeff.
I always work hard to make him smile because he's so... Jeff like.
:P
A tough act to crack so to speak.

Came home and figured I could stay up and chill. But the big fish dinner caught up with me and I ended up dozing off to sleep.

And now I'm awake. I think I want the 4:30 class today. No expectations. Just hard work and doing the best that my body has for me today.

-Angela

Depression sucks

I was always that girl that didn't have these sort of problems.
I missed class today. Somewhere around 1500 today, it all fell apart. We were laying around and I felt really physically shitty for just laying around and doing nothing but watch him play Fallout 3. (A video game).

And suddenly I thought maybe I should take the 6:30 class - and catch some food.
My mood was falling fast.
He saw me get up and asked to go with me. For some reason this annoyed me.
I left thinking I'd get food alone. Instead I passed the fast food joint (desperate and there's no food in our house atm).

And found myself bawling behind the wheel.
Let's pull over. Good idea.
And then I was a mess for the rest of the night.
No 4:30, no 6:30.
Finally he insisted I eat at around 7.

I ate and humored him and because we were out - decided to let it go for an hour or two.
Came home. It all came back. He didn't want to go to work with me being a mess.
I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Like I've tried and tried and tried and am still walking around injured. Like the docs tell me all the same thing, like going back is a fruitless endeavor.
He says I should call my mom. I can't talk on phones.
I feel like the bulk of my "knows me well" friends, now don't even call me.
And now I don't answer their calls if they do.

I am afraid to lose my Yoga practice, but I'm really getting to be in a depressed rut. I can't go to class while I'm crying.

He says this cannot last forever. Or maybe it will.
He doubts it.
He has a thousand thoughts, but my reactions aren't logical. Anything but logical. If I were logical I wouldn't be depressed.

It gets so old, trying.
I am at a loss.
I am lost and don't know where to go next.
I know being depressed isn't going to help me heal faster. But I feel like it's so hard to fight and my fight is dying...

-Angela

Logic

No matter how much I logically tell myself about all of my blessings, I still feel like I'm emotionally a pile of crap. That is annoying.

-Angela